![]() When Damon calls Elena on her crap she calmly explains that she is too busy waxing poetic to a Diary that secretly hates her guts to have sex with a guy that looks like this naked. Speaking of Major Asshats, Elena is being one to Damon by ignoring his calls, while he’s standing right behind her, watching her ignore his calls. Second, your diary is reading everything you write in it for entertainment value, and silently judges you whenever you don’t deliver. So, no matter how nice you might be to your current diary, it will always remember you as a book-murdering, death babbling on about, b*tch. First, apparently, when you burn your diary, its soul and memories get transferred forward to every diary you will ever have in the future. In her monologue, Elena suggests that her Diary might be “tired of her talking about Death.” This statement taught me a number of things I never knew about diaries. Wait, did I just type that? I don’t remember typing that. I strongly suspect this is because Elena fears that some fans of this show and a few of its writers suffer from extreme short-term memory loss, and can only remember what’s going on with the show at the very minute they are watching it. Sitting alone beneath the Saddest Tree at Whitmore College, Elena helpfully recaps for us, via Diary-writing Inner Monologue, the “Previously On the Vampire Diaries” sequence that just ended two seconds ago. Īfter abandoning you for four seasons, and burning you to shreds back when I lost my humanity, I’ve decided to recycle you as a lame recapping plot device. See? I bet your life is looking better to you already!Ī Long Time Ago, I Used to Have Friends. If you had family and friends like those, a tummy ache and a crappy Halloween would be the least of your problems. or fed you to a hungry vampire, encouraged him to drain you entirely of blood, and then seemed slightly disappointed when you didn’t actually die. or stabbed you in the stomach on the day of your family reunion. īut it will make you feel a bit better about your family and friends, who I assume have never broken your neck multiple times in a single evening, just so your evil doppelganger could hit on his ex-girlfriend. Whatever your current early-Novembery mood, this recap is sure to. Perhaps, your just a teensy bit bummed, because this Halloween wasn’t quite as epic, as you hoped it would be? Happy Post-Halloween, Fangbangers? Still nursing that pesky Candy Hangover?Īre you currently grappling with the naughty things you might have done, while wearing someone else’s face?
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